The Hat
"Hank, my office...Now!" Captain McConnike bellowed.
Engineer Hank Stanley nervously made his way to his Captain's office. He knew he was in for the chewing out of his life. Hank entered the office and shut the door. He then came to attention. "Engineer/Specialist Henry Stanley reporting as ordered, Sir," Hank said.
"Stanley, would you care to explain this?" The Captain asked as he pointed to the charred remains of what was once his dress hat. "I trusted you with the care of it while I was away for the weekend and this is the condition it comes back in?"
"Sir, I can explain," Hank said, shaking in his boots, "I took your hat home with me over the weekend so it wouldn't get lost or stolen. I left it laying on the coffee table in my living room. There was a lit candle on the table next to it. One of my girls must've knocked the candle over cause the next thing I knew, the hat was on fire. Sir, I'll buy you a new dress hat."
"You bet you will!" McConnike bellowed. "It's coming out of your paycheck! Not only that, you will have latrine duty for a month, understood?"
"Yes Sir," Hank replied.
Captain McConnike then escorted Hank into the kitchen.
"Bring me your dress hat." McConnike ordered.
Hank went to his locker and got his dress hat. He rejoined his Captain. Captain McConnike took the hat from Hank. Laying the hat in a shallow baking pan on the table, McConnike got a box of matches from a drawer. Lighting a match, McConnike held it to the hat.
"Since you burned my hat, I now get to burn yours while you watch," The Captain told Hank.
Hank could only stand there as his hat burned in much the same fashion as his Captain's had. Hank knew that his Captain was only doing to him as he'd done to his Captain. When the flames died down, McConnike looked at Hank, a gleeful grin on his face.
"Stanley, I hope you learned a valuable lesson from all this," McConnike said.
"Yes Sir," Hank replied, "To always keep Captain's hat of the reach of children."